To rage, or not to rage:
That is the question
I ask myself almost every time I sit down to make a character.
I've been playing the numerous editions and incarnations of Dungeons & Dragons almost my entire life; Advanced Dungeons & Dragons was the first real roleplaying game I was a part of (outside of making up my own games, emulating my brother), and i've since found the joys of other, newer systems that take their inspiration from D&D. But in all those times I've never played a barbarian or a berserker.
To inform the laymen: the barbarian, or berserker, is a type of character who draws on a quasi-supernatural level of rage and anger with which he smites his foes and cows his enemies. He is rarely clothed in much of anything, usually hails from a primitive culture, sees nothing wrong with wanton destruction and death, and is often illiterate. The barbarian is a staple of the fantasy/sword-and-sorcery genre.
I have yet to make or play one. I'm usually a wizard or sorcerer, occasionally a thief or warrior, and i've played my fair share of noble, devoted priests. But why not a barbarian? Why haven't I raged yet? Maybe the barbarian hits a bit to close to home.
Roleplaying games are about escapism. Candy-coat it all you want, but these games are almost pure fantasy daydreaming. Intelligent and rational adults, however, can get together and tell a story, roll some dice, follow the rules of the game, pretend they aren't just another cog in the machine, and enjoy the company of others. It's healthy, but its escapism. I personally enjoy playing characters with a firm grasp of the magnitude of their intellect, or characters that are so impressive physically or mentally that its almost irrelevant, a side note to their adventures. "Why, yes, I can climb that building. let's get started," or "why, yes, I can fly up that mountain; I'm a wizard after all." I play something I feel I'm not, or I play a character that I feel explores something about myself I wish to enhance or fulfill.
Ay, there's the rub.
 |
"Why does it take you an hour to get ready in the morning?
It can't take you THAT long!! RAHHH!!!" --Me, raging |
Anger is a real problem in my life. From time to time, I rage. And unlike the D&D barbarian, all it gets me is grief and the disrespect of those closest to me. I have never considered my anger an external force, something I need to conquer to free myself. I'm an angry person, because I discovered at an early age that, instead of dealing with a problem with calm reflection, logical analysis or simple compromise--I can yell at it. And sometimes it goes away. If I yell loud enough, I might cow someone into complicity.
The truth is that my rage betrays my intellect and my compassion, and it undermines the things that strengthen and grow my relationships. It keeps me from confronting problems, taking responsibility, and from learning to adapt to complicated situations--the stuff of life. My rage is my inner child, who still wants to get his way, even when it's unhealthy or unnecessary. I AM a barbarian, and it's no fun.
So why play one? Why rage? Why occupy my time exploring anger and destruction in my fantasy life, with my friends and loved ones, when in reality my own rage does more harm than good?
Perhaps because its time to confront it. We all have things in our lives we want to improve or eliminate; I always play characters who are confident, dedicated, and focused--things I am not. Maybe it's time I played a character that was in control of his anger, or better yet, a comical character who was as ridiculously stubborn and destructive as I am. Perhaps, then, i'll see what it really means to rage, to be the one seeing it from the outside.
To rage, or not to rage...
I think I know the answer.
