Bachelorhoodom

I am single.

I am a singularly supreme ruler of a domain of one; the cat is the house of parliament, but like any good monarch, I at most appease it and often seek to avoid involving it.  From atop my lonely mountain, in my ivory tower, I am king of all I survey.

How absolutely boring.

I've spent the past few weeks settling in and organizing my bachelor-kingdom--enacting many mandates and projects--with still many more projects and plans ahead of me.  But already the dullness of it all is starting to wear upon me.  I've attempted to occupy myself with as many activities as I can--playing Skyrim on Xbox for hours at a time, for instance.  I've also begun a daily ritual of actually cooking food for myself; my servants do not mind, as I keep them busy in the interim.  I've also found solace in IHOP, and have passed many evenings with fellow bachelors there; it is not part of my kingdom, but relations are improving, and I am thinking of accepting a bride, if the dowery is sufficient.

And yet, the albatross that is boredom weighs upon me, and up until now I have had little luck shaking it loss from my neck.  A new solution has emerged, however.  I have discovered... THE BOOK.

Don't be confused; when I say The Book, I do not mean The Nook, or the Kindle or iPad.  I found The Book.  It's made of that material we write little notes on, or receive in the mail, covered in glossy photos or due dates; it's a book, made of plant matter and ink, usually black.

Did you know that some entertainment doesn't come in a box, or isn't displayed on a plastic or glass screen?  Did you also know that some information isn't discovered online, on Wikipedia, or from casual conversation with coworkers?  The Book provides such entertainment and information; it is truly amazing!

My introduction to The Book is a curious and coincidental thing; divine intervention, if you will.  I was struck queer by its reference while conversing with a relative of mine; he had made claims that information he had obtained--exciting, relevant, entertaining information--was received not from Reddit or Wikipedia or television, but from The Book.  I, of course, was incredulous, but too curious, and soon inquired further into the nature of his genius.  I was directed to seek out The Book in a neighboring kingdom, a realm known as Half-Price Books, where The Book is distributed at minimal cost.  I could barely contain my brimming, bursting, repetitive alliteration--my excitement, i mean.  Within the hour, I had obtained The Book, and brought it back to my kingdom.

I'm still reading it.  It's not a long book... but it was also explained to me that, the more you read, the more you desire to read more, and the higher your level of comprehension.  This makes sense; in the Kingdom of Bachelor, playing a game repeatedly over time builds up skill, thereby making the experience more enjoyable and easy; it seems using The Book mimics this.

Curiously, it also seems that, though information received from the book comes slowly to the Reader--as those who use The Book are called--the enjoyment of said experience is just as great as any fast-paced video game or movie.  Again, I look to my realm for relevance; while reading a summary online of a season of Dr. Who can certainly catch one up to date on what has come before the latest season, it isn't as fulfilling as watching the previous season's episodes prior to moving on to the latest.  It's fascinating, the parallels.

And so, I have found a way to assuage the boredom.  But The Book is not the final solution, only one of many.  Indeed, I have certainly ceased Reading in order to write--another past-time useful if you are attempting to waste time.  But the power of The Book is apparent to me now, and will soon become a welcome addition to my new kingdom.  So now I will return to The Book; I am eager to see if the central figure will succumb to the wishes of Sam-I-Am, and consume his offering of green eggs and ham in a box, or possibly with a fox.