In memory of my grandmother

Today, on April 17, 2011, my grandmother passed away.  My heart groans from a dull ache; I worry for my father, and feel pain for him--not for myself, nor for her.

Katherine Pullin, later Katherine Davis, was not someone I knew well.  This was not her fault at all.  I would go visit grandma often; once when I was much younger--and I am unsure when--I had a very interesting visit.  I hadn't been abused or neglected, but when I called from there and told my parents about her not feeding me regularly, and about some other strange things I saw and heard; well, they became concerned.  At first the doctors said it was Alzheimer's, but that didn't add up.  It turns out it was just generic dementia.

I remember thinking: "It wasn't that bad... grandma forgot to make dinner, so we went and got pizza.  That's not so bad!"  But even then, I knew better.  Mainly because of how serious everyone was acting.  Grandma ended up in East Texas with us, in a nursing home, where she could get the care she required.

She was always very happy to see me when I would go to see her, but we never really got a chance to bond.  Her dementia seemed to be something that kept her long-term memory from really connecting with people.  That is the impression I got; she kept many photos and had many stories and memories of others.  It is not that I was not important; it's that I was so young when she began to suffer from her illness.

But I have many memories of my grandma, almost all of them vicariously acquired.  She always stirred many discussions and stories, and I saw a lot of my father in her, or the other way around.  There were many jokes about my father's similarities with her, and i'm sure there always will be.  This will be an excellent legacy; in humor, we come to terms with life's hardships.  If you can laugh about something, you can take it seriously.

The funeral will be soon.  I will have to make time for it.  This, especially, brings me sadness; shouldn't our family always come first?  Shouldn't our relationships be our top priority?  Well, I will make time for this, and make time for my family.  If I can do anything, its remember those I love, and laugh whenever I get the chance.

Goodbye, grandma.  Rest well.