What follows are some of my impressions and evaluations of the process of starting my profile. I'm just writing how I feel, and I'm just going from memory, and from glancing at my own profile page. This is raw, people.Getting into it:
Logging on and beginning the creation of a profile was easy and simple. It's obvious that initially they are looking for a simple system and easy entry. With something that relies on user input as heavily, they needed to make the set-up simple, and they have. I'm unsure of just how many people are on there, but I can assume it's a large number of sad and lonely people like myself.
You, you, you:
Immediately after setup you are brought to your homepage, your profile. You're certainly not done, and there's a progress bar to the side that measures just how much left you have to do, like it's some kind of test. I STILL haven't finished setup, and I spent 3 hours on this. What takes so long? We'll get to that.
--First, however, you must fill in all the details of your profile. Ethnicity, height, body type, if you smoke or do drugs, what you're religious beliefs are, how much money you make, etc. All the hard, simple facts. Relatively easy.
--Next. you must provide a profile picture (or pictures). This is that first impression. It is what people will see when they view your page, and even before they do. A little thumbnail of yourself accompanies any information presented about you. For instance, if I see a message that "Jane Brown" has such and such level of compatibility with me, I see a picture of her. So, one must accomplish the impossible, and post a pleasing picture of oneself, a picture that will simultaneously represent you accurately and be the sole, initial focus of the judgement of those who happen to view you. Woe is you, for thinking you could avoid this step; OkCupid is smart to put this step early on, to scare off the weak or hideous. So I post a picture. My fate is sealed.--Then, you must fill in the "About" section, wherein you must put into words everything you want those who view your page to see. It's a lot easier than choosing a profile picture, because you have the option to give a more full impression of yourself, if you're good at doing so with text on-screen. Of course, if they're on your page already, they've already seen your profile picture, and for some reason they've approved of you. Oh no, you've got someone stalking you, someone who likes to hurt ugly people like you. Most of the "About" section is a series of open-ended statements you must complete: "I'm really good at", "The first things people notice about me", "The six things I could never do without", etc. This section also contains an "I'm looking for" section, wherein you say what kind of person you're personally seeking, and what kind of relationship you're looking for.
Then it gets personal:
The next "step" in the process is to answer some random questions about yourself. I put step in quotation marks because, at this point, all of this is more work than a resume. You should be getting paid for this. And like any job, there's plenty of long, boring, repetitive work. To finish this step in the process it recommends you complete 75 questions. There are, of course, more than 75, but you need to finish at least 75.
Now, some of these questions are straightforward, easy, and unobtrusive. You are presented with a statement ("Could you date someone who was really messy?" for instance) and you must respond, sometimes in degrees, other times with a yea or nae. Following your approval, you must put what response to the above statement you want others to give ("Answer I'll Accept...") and finally you rate the importance of the question (from "Irrelevant" to "Mandatory"). This process has a pattern after a few questions, and you soon realize you're creating compatibility information, data the site uses to match you with potential partners. Around the time you're figuring this out, you start running into the personal questions. "Were you picked on a lot in school?", "Do you enjoy meaningless sex?", "Would you ever consider cutting a partner (who asked for it) in sexual play?", "Do you enjoy giving oral sex?", or "Do you believe in God?" After the thirtieth question or so, I knew it was in deep.
Ironically, there's a rhythm you get into when you start talking about yourself, particularly answering questions. You watch your "score" to the side, which measures how specific your answers are, and how likely you are to find a "perfect" match; you answer some very introspective and powerful questions, followed by completely asinine ones, and you start to get into a pattern. Like I said early, I spent three hours signing up, and the majority of that time was spent on these questions.
And then the voyeurism starts:
When you've answered at least 75 questions, you are informed the next step is to take a look at their recommendations, and message 5 people. Randomly message five people. In real life, this would be the pick-up line.
Fair enough though, have to start somewhere. So you start looking. This is when the dirtiness starts to sink in. You see a series of profile pictures--pictures carefully chosen by strangers, just as you chose yours--and you starts just knocking them down. Boom, boom, boom, ding. Not you, not you, not you, yes you. As you look at their pics, you see their basics next to each: username, sexual orientation (straight for me), relationship status (mine pages only show single), location, and how compatible each person is with you--specifically with your questions and profile information. And it only takes moments, seconds, for you to start turning people down in your head, and deciding who you'd pursue.
You click on one person: a girl with a silly username and a cute picture. She's too good looking, but hey, maybe you're a perfect match? No, you're an 83% match, though OkCupid delightfully informs you that you're also a 90% "Friend" match with this person, and only a 13% "Enemy" match with them. So let's call this person "PlainJane888" and she's 23 and single and lives nearby in Round Rock.
Going to PlainJane888's profile, you can read all of her questions, personal details, and interests. You can see it all, including more photos, if Jane's uploaded anymore. You can even go to their "personality" section, where you see data comparing her to the average girl on OkCupid. According to this page, you see she's "less sloppy", "less sex-driven", and "more conservative" than the average girl. Go figure.
From here you go to her questions, where they've put her questions and answers side-by-side with yours; the section is titled "the Two of Us" just to remind you. Oh, hey, look, PlainJane888 thinks that jealousy is healthy, just like you do. That's great. If you keep looking, you find out more and more about them. This is a mixed bag, of course, as you might agree on some completely frivolous questions (oh, look, we both like horror movies), but then disagree on important things (you say you want your next relationship to be 6-12 months, and Jane is looking for a one-night stand). You can even answer new questions on this page, getting an instant comparison to this particular person, increasing (or decreasing) your compatibility score with them. That's great.
The icing:
The secret is... this is TOO perfect. I feel simultaneously sleazy, hopeful, and objectified. But it works. You're getting quick results, comprehensive (if shallow or skewed) information on complete strangers, and you can easily just pass by or ignore people you have no immediate interest in. It's almost too much... and the worst part is, all the information is subject to change or interpretation, meaning you're only getting what you want to get from it. I could read my profile page and think I'm a charming, intelligent, capable guy, or I could read it and think I was a snarky, bloated loser. And I could do just about the same to anyone else.
The bottom line is, I'm impressed and disgusted at the same time. The step in the registration process I'm stuck on, is messaging at least 5 people. I think I've sent 3 girls a short message, nothing that would actually hook anyone. I'm sure OkCupid will want a medical report and semen sample next.
Of course, I say all this having not heard any messages from anyone else, not even the three I've sent. Perhaps I'd have a different perspective on all this if I'd obtained immediate results. I'd settle for a quick, cheerful conversation online...
But this is day one, and there will be more to come, I'm sure.
I need to go take a cold shower.
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